Announced late last night: a researcher has discovered the gene which controls irrational affection for animals over one's fellow man.
While reading his evening news aggregator, Ezvones Tupit Sonibytch discovered the key to this mystery.A 15-month-old boy suffered minor injuries when he was attacked by a 4-foot ball python in a ... park.Mother and child are fine [for 2,000 years mother and child have been fine].
Christine Abdelmonem had taken her son ... to get a better look at some ducks ... in Freedom Park on Monday. As she lowered the boy ... she felt a tug and saw the snake wrapped around his leg.
She screamed for help and two maintenance workers rushed over. One hit the nonvenomous snake with a shovel before trapping it in a bucket ... [FoxNews]John Calchera, a pet store owner in nearby Pineville, took in the constrictor snake. He thinks it may have been abandoned by a pet owner and that it won't survive being beaten.Ezvones, suspecting a link, rushed to his KFC office to investigate the problem.
"It's a totally harmless thing," he said. "Why attack a harmless thing?"
Following extensive Goggling, Sonibytch discovered the halo of a feminine gene which stimulates a woman to protect her young. [Exception - "boyly girls, they are missing the gene and tend to kill their young.]
A corollary in men is a gene which stimulates them to protect women with children; thus the behavior of the maintenance workers. He also concluded the existance of an anti-corollary - a gene stimulating irrational affection for any and all non-homo sapiens.
Using his deductive reasoning skills, this independent Agrizoophobe concluded: Mr. Calchera is either a) not a female, b) missing the gene, or c) one stupit sonibytch!